Holding on to Hope

Yesterday I went to the christian bookstore, knowing I had a few days off ahead of me and wanting to take time to do a real good study. I knew my soul needed it. As I looked around a book called "Plan B" caught my attention. It had a study guide with it too ( and was really on sale!) The one line on the front of the book resonated with my heart. " When God doesn't show up the way you though He would."  Well, I bought it. So glad I did. As I read the first chapter and watched the first video segment I thought how nice and refreshing to hear a pastor state that it is okay to question God when dreams are shattered, when bad things happen. I have always loved the Psalm's of David, his honesty, his anger and his grief that he lets God hear. The author of this book, Pete Wilson, so far has drawn from the psalms.  The thought that most of us at some point in life have felt this way. The wondering why the plans we thought ( and for many of us we thought God had for us too) were meant to be just don't happen or fall apart. Sometimes it is because of our own choices, but many times it is not. So for those that say 'you just weren't trusting enough' or ' you are being punished' they I don't think know their theology that well. Like the young couple whose baby dies hours after being born or the broken marriage because one partner cheated. Or the child who chooses a bad path even after much love and support. These are questions that I don't think anyone has answers for. 

These questions can cause us to doubt God, doubt his goodness and love. This is normal. This study is to help a person reflect and name their anger and doubt, to be honest with themselves, God and a caring community.  To take time and walk through the hurt, but also keep crying out, seeing how God has been faithful and trusting that he will continue to be faithful for the future and especially during the storms.

One thing in the first segment that really struck me was the pastors honesty with it isn't so much that he doesn't believe in God. He knows he is real and experience his love and grace too many times to not believe. It is believing that a loving God would allow so much pain and suffering. Especially when people are trusting. How do you wrestle with this? That is where I am at and have been for awhile. 

I believe I am totally in a 'plan b" for my life. This is not where I expected to be.  Some because of my own choices, but other things that were totally out of my control and things I would not have expected or wanted for me and my family. There has been alot of pain in the last few years ( yes before we left ministry too so this is not because we left ministry) Some of the pain is from what happened while in ministry which causes me to question why wasn't God protecting my family. Actually, looking back I see coming 'home' has allowed for the hurt to come to the surface and be named so what I saw as a hard time ( leaving full time ministry) actually allowed for truth to surface and hopefully we are on a road to healing ( although it doesn't feel like it)as a family. 

I would recommend this book to everyone, especially those who need reminding that it is ok to be honest  to keep crying out to God. 

 

Psalm 142:13 spoke to me today

" I cry out tot he Lord/I plead for the Lord's mercy/I pour out my complaints before him/I tell him my troubles/when I am overwhelmed You alone know the way  I should turn."

I also found a song ( kind of by accident while looking for another one) but this one is so good. Maybe it will speak to your heart too.  

I am thankful for the glimpses of sunshine. I realize there are still storms to come but I am grateful for how I have seen God's hand many times during these last few years. 

"Your hand is still holding me even when I don't believe."

http://youtu.be/9KIhYZQ_ovw

If anyone is interested in maybe doing this study with me just let me know.Would be glad to share. 

Jen Loner