Good morning, nearly afternoon! I love Saturday mornings of doing nothing!! It has been nice and quiet. Snow was falling so felt nice to be safe and snug in my house. Lots to get done ( like housework) but needed and wanted to start off slow!
My devotions this morning again were good. The one line that jumped out at me that I would like to share is taken from the book The Grip of Grace. It states, " With God in your world, you aren't an accident or an incident; you are a gift to the world, a divine work of art, signed by God."
To often I hear youth and adults say to me that they were an accident. Not planned and therefore they go through life believing that they were a mistake. Often this leads them to believe that they are not wanted and needed. How sad!! I have told both of my children that although Paul and I didn't plan them they were definitely not mistakes but surprises!! And a wonderful surprise at that!! I remember clearly finding out I was pregnant with Alica which was 7 years ahead of our planned schedule for a family! Not my plan but God's. What a blessing she has been. Then Cory my precious boy who's pregnancy was fairly easy and helped heal the hurt of losing the baby we had planned just before him. Because God knew better than me, I had my kids before leaving for college to be ministers. I needed alot of help with my babies because of my epilepsy. I could have never managed without our families help, especially grandma Cory. God knew!!
No matter what the circumstances of your birth were, you were not a mistake. You are God's and He loves and has plans for you. Read Psalm 139.
Another good quote from this devotion was, " We are significant, not because of what we do, but because of WHOSE we are."
My children are mine and I love them because they are mine. They are special because they are mine and Paul's. They are the only two that are just ours. They are part of us and that makes them special to me. They have been special since they were little and couldn't even talk or walk. The same is with God. We are special because He made us. We are His. We were special the minute we were born. Not because of anything we could do, but because He made us and we are His.
You are God's child. His signature is written on your life and that makes you special. Have you ever had something that somebody signed? It increases the value. It means something special. That is just like us. WE are special because God's signature is on our lives.
I hope today that you feel like you are special, that you know that your treasured by your God in heaven and that you know that you have a purpose. You were not an accident!!That He loves you for you... not for what you do but because He just loves you. All He wants is for you to reach out to Him. Doesn't matter if this may be a bad day for you and you need to reach out in anger, in tears. Or maybe today is a good day and you just want to say thank you Lord for this day. He just wants us to reach out to Him.
Believe He loves you and that you have worth!!!
Blessings,
Jen Loner
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
Being and doing
Well, it has been a while since I posted anything. I have had alot of thoughts, however it has taken over a week to work through them. The sadness as I call it was really trying to take over my thoughts. Although in the midst of this we celebrated Cory's 14th birthday and enjoyed a good family weekend. I think that as I struggled, God continued to bless me with my family, showing me that I am loved,needed and most of all wanted. I am so grateful for them and love them dearly.
So... some of my struggles I will share. Maybe you can relate. We are at a place where we have to decided where to commit to a church. I have been struggling with not "doing." I grew up in the Salvation Army where doing is prominent. The Salvation Army is a wonderful organisation and church that is well know for its acts of kindness and giving. I loved being part of it. I have also felt like I was to help people so it was a good fit for me. There was always alot to do in the Army and still is. This past year of not "doing" in the way I am used to has proven to be hard for me. I do believe God is telling me he wants be to just "be" for this time. Just this morning my devotion was entitled BE Still. I have been praying that God would show be clearly where he wants my family to worship. I would love to go back to the Army and be part of worship. I know that there is ministry I could be part of. It would be familiar and that is how I always thought I pleased God. But there is still some healing to be done in my heart in regards to the Army. My family has enjoyed another church and are actually listening and liking the sermons. I think we all have hurts from the Army and although this is my home church, maybe I need to step back for a bit. One of my biggest prayers is that my kids will know God personally and want to worship and this seems to be more possible at another church for this time. Paul is so great to be patient and work through this with me. He just wants to do what is best for our family. Although it is hard for me to sit in the congregation, maybe that is what my kids need. For me to be there with them just as my heavenly Father just wants me to sit with Him. Maybe He is tired of watching me run around trying to impress Him with my works. He just wants my time just as I love when my kids just want to be home with me.
I felt like I was to look on my book shelf this morning. I told myself you are crazy, you know nearly every book on there, but I looked anyhow as when I have been told in the past to look there was a reason. Immediately my gaze fell to Max Lucado'sIn the Grip of Grace. I thought that is odd as I have not read all that book yet and it is on my favorite topics, Grace. So I start reading. He talks about 4 brothers. The jist of the parable taken from Romans is that only one brother accepts grace. When I was reading about the Legalistic brother I was floored to realise I could relate. Anyone who knows me knows I can't stand legalism. But Lucado points out that when we are legalistic we are trying to work our way to God's grace. This can either lead to despair or arrogance. I have never been able to stand those who stand up with chests puffed out saying look at how great I am and don't believe I fall into that category (although I think of have done this with God). But oh how I could relate to feeling despair. Despair that I will never gain God's favor, especially since I left full time ministry and most of all the Salvation Army. I know I should know better. I know my scriptures fairly well. I know what God's word says about grace and works ( as my husband pointed out to be last night) Our main theme in ministry has been preaching and most of all showing grace. Telling everyone else that God loves them just because but never taking it to heart for myself. But... years of thoughts are hard to change. Maybe that is one of the reasons we are in the season of change. For me to know that God's grace is free to me without works. So my heart will start to believe this! I hope this is true. Even as I write I am guarding my heart. Questioning in my head is it okay to enjoy this time with my kids, to make them and Paul my priority? To love the kids at the ROC?To care for the women and kids at the shelter and Bayfield? Is this enough? The thought that just popped into my head is it is fine even without those jobs. I think maybe God doesn't need be to there but has given them to me as He knows my heart and the desire to care for others.
Hmmm, lots of thoughts. Some may think I am crazy and that is okay. Some days I feel like I am!! But writing honestly helps me and maybe there is someone else out there struggling with this same issue of being and doing. If so I hope and pray you are able to work it out with your God. Thankfully He is patient and just wants to hear from us.
Just some thoughts from my little Haven in Hillier that I am truly grateful for!
Blessings,
Jen
So... some of my struggles I will share. Maybe you can relate. We are at a place where we have to decided where to commit to a church. I have been struggling with not "doing." I grew up in the Salvation Army where doing is prominent. The Salvation Army is a wonderful organisation and church that is well know for its acts of kindness and giving. I loved being part of it. I have also felt like I was to help people so it was a good fit for me. There was always alot to do in the Army and still is. This past year of not "doing" in the way I am used to has proven to be hard for me. I do believe God is telling me he wants be to just "be" for this time. Just this morning my devotion was entitled BE Still. I have been praying that God would show be clearly where he wants my family to worship. I would love to go back to the Army and be part of worship. I know that there is ministry I could be part of. It would be familiar and that is how I always thought I pleased God. But there is still some healing to be done in my heart in regards to the Army. My family has enjoyed another church and are actually listening and liking the sermons. I think we all have hurts from the Army and although this is my home church, maybe I need to step back for a bit. One of my biggest prayers is that my kids will know God personally and want to worship and this seems to be more possible at another church for this time. Paul is so great to be patient and work through this with me. He just wants to do what is best for our family. Although it is hard for me to sit in the congregation, maybe that is what my kids need. For me to be there with them just as my heavenly Father just wants me to sit with Him. Maybe He is tired of watching me run around trying to impress Him with my works. He just wants my time just as I love when my kids just want to be home with me.
I felt like I was to look on my book shelf this morning. I told myself you are crazy, you know nearly every book on there, but I looked anyhow as when I have been told in the past to look there was a reason. Immediately my gaze fell to Max Lucado'sIn the Grip of Grace. I thought that is odd as I have not read all that book yet and it is on my favorite topics, Grace. So I start reading. He talks about 4 brothers. The jist of the parable taken from Romans is that only one brother accepts grace. When I was reading about the Legalistic brother I was floored to realise I could relate. Anyone who knows me knows I can't stand legalism. But Lucado points out that when we are legalistic we are trying to work our way to God's grace. This can either lead to despair or arrogance. I have never been able to stand those who stand up with chests puffed out saying look at how great I am and don't believe I fall into that category (although I think of have done this with God). But oh how I could relate to feeling despair. Despair that I will never gain God's favor, especially since I left full time ministry and most of all the Salvation Army. I know I should know better. I know my scriptures fairly well. I know what God's word says about grace and works ( as my husband pointed out to be last night) Our main theme in ministry has been preaching and most of all showing grace. Telling everyone else that God loves them just because but never taking it to heart for myself. But... years of thoughts are hard to change. Maybe that is one of the reasons we are in the season of change. For me to know that God's grace is free to me without works. So my heart will start to believe this! I hope this is true. Even as I write I am guarding my heart. Questioning in my head is it okay to enjoy this time with my kids, to make them and Paul my priority? To love the kids at the ROC?To care for the women and kids at the shelter and Bayfield? Is this enough? The thought that just popped into my head is it is fine even without those jobs. I think maybe God doesn't need be to there but has given them to me as He knows my heart and the desire to care for others.
Hmmm, lots of thoughts. Some may think I am crazy and that is okay. Some days I feel like I am!! But writing honestly helps me and maybe there is someone else out there struggling with this same issue of being and doing. If so I hope and pray you are able to work it out with your God. Thankfully He is patient and just wants to hear from us.
Just some thoughts from my little Haven in Hillier that I am truly grateful for!
Blessings,
Jen
Monday, February 14, 2011
We are all loved!! Valentines thought
I am so blessed to be loved by Paul and the kids, extended family and friends. Yet still sometimes I feel sad and doubt the love my God has for me, especially these last few months with so many changes in our life, changes I did not expect or want. I find that no matter how much those around me love me, I need to know that my God loves me most of all. Satan is good at getting in our thoughts. He wants us to doubt the love that God has for each one of us. He wants us to believe that we have to be certain way, have a certain job, have a certain past etc... before our God will truly love us. One of my favorite books is by Henri Nouwen "The Return of the Prodigal Son." When we arrived back in Ontario I found that there was a devotional that goes with it "Home Tonight." This devotional helped remind be that God just wants us to be in a relationship with Him first and foremost. I would highly recommend it! Even though I am in God's word regularly I still can doubt. But God is so good. He keeps reminding me how much He loves me!!! Whether I am an officer in the Salvation Army or youth worker in Picton!!!
The song I just posted today reminded me how special we are. Whether you are the person who really doesn't believe you are special because you have heard different all your life, whether you are the teen who feels alone and like no one cares or sees your hurt, the middle aged person wondering if this is all there is to life and does anyone see or care or the elderly who feels forgotten... We all need to be reminded this Valentines Day that we are chosen, we are special and most of all we are loved. None of us have to be alone! We have a God who does see and does care. Whether we have made mistakes or not, no matter what age we are or what we do, God wants to come into our lives!! He desires to see his children feeling loved and cared for. We have to be willing to believe, admit we need him and accept His love. When we do believe, as His people, we are to show each other this love. I am thankful for wonderful people that God has used to care for me, to remind me that He cares. I hope today that if you are reading this that you take it to heart. YOU ARE LOVED!! Lets go out and share this love today! Happy Valentines Day!
The song I just posted today reminded me how special we are. Whether you are the person who really doesn't believe you are special because you have heard different all your life, whether you are the teen who feels alone and like no one cares or sees your hurt, the middle aged person wondering if this is all there is to life and does anyone see or care or the elderly who feels forgotten... We all need to be reminded this Valentines Day that we are chosen, we are special and most of all we are loved. None of us have to be alone! We have a God who does see and does care. Whether we have made mistakes or not, no matter what age we are or what we do, God wants to come into our lives!! He desires to see his children feeling loved and cared for. We have to be willing to believe, admit we need him and accept His love. When we do believe, as His people, we are to show each other this love. I am thankful for wonderful people that God has used to care for me, to remind me that He cares. I hope today that if you are reading this that you take it to heart. YOU ARE LOVED!! Lets go out and share this love today! Happy Valentines Day!
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Storms
Being my first real blog I thought that would clarify why I am doing this. I want this to be a place where we can come and share honestly with each other. I don't want this to be like facebook where we just write everyday little thoughts without being real with each other. Facebook is great for just keeping track of friends, but I want this for those who may need real authetic sharing of information. My prayer would be that we can respect each others feelings and thoughts with an open mind and non judgemental attitude. Lets use this to support each other and be real. If you disagree with my post great. Lets dialouge with grace. If you can relate then share also and we can pray for each other. I want this for all ages.
My first thought is taken from my devotion this morning.
"Jesus Christ is no security AGAINST storms, but He is perfect security in storms. He has never promised you an easy passage, only safe landing."
Taken from devotional " Streams in the desert."
We have had our fair share of winter storms this season here in Ontario. It feels like each one I ended up working in Belleville at night which means driving on side roads where you can't see in front of you. Can be a little scary and nerve wracking. One such night I almost stopped at my sisters even though I was nearly home. But I didn't because I so wanted the safety and warmth of my own home. I had a destination to reach and wasn't going to allow the storm to stop me. I knew the road well and just had to take it easy and be extra careful.
As I think about this I think this is like life. We have seasons of stormy like weather. Where the road seems hidden and we are scared. For me that is what the last few months have felt like. There have been moments of some clarity but then like the storms some wind(or thought or circumstance in life, doubt) picks up and it once again I can't see in front of me. I can choose in these storms to quit believing in my God who loves me and has a place for me in heaven or I can choose to keep believing, having faith. This may mean slowing down in life so speak, taking more time with God so I have the strength to keep on the journey even though I cannot see in front of me. It may also mean that I can't be as busy as I would like. That some changes are needed in my life so that I can continue walking with Him. Thankfully I do know that Jesus is with me as my guide and he knows the way when I can't see. I am still battling the doubts as to why the storm in the first place. I have no answer for that other than we live in a fallen world and we are given free choice so of course there will be storms. Whether it is sickness, abuse, injustice or whatever the storm may be it is still hard and can make us wonder about our faith. For me to not believe doesn't seem to be a choice for me. Those days become too dark. I need prayer and His word.Believe me I have tried in these past few months to say I don't need God but it doesn't work. Just when I think it could be true someone comes to me and reminds me how loved I am by them and by God, or finances work out just when needed. When I look around at how my God provided a haven, a rest for our weary hearts I can't say that it is coincidence or just because I have had wonderful help from family ( although that is such a blessing and so grateful!). I have to believe that our Haven here in Hillier is from God. That He loves me that much that He knew exactly what I needed. I don't feel like I am out of the storm yet. Still have hurts to heal and things to work out in my heart. Also hopefully alot more years to come that will bring other storms, but I do know that Jesus is my security through it and He has kept me safe so far.
As I write I would like to be honest. Today is a good day which is great becasue lately there has not been many of those. Yes life has been okay and all is going well, I am still able to love and care for my family. I like my jobs I have. But I am talking about my heart. I think we often mask our feelings with each other in fear that people will think less of us or honestly gossip about us. I just have some heart things to work through. Hopefully we will be able to journey together being open and honest, no judgements just love and support.
My first thought is taken from my devotion this morning.
"Jesus Christ is no security AGAINST storms, but He is perfect security in storms. He has never promised you an easy passage, only safe landing."
Taken from devotional " Streams in the desert."
We have had our fair share of winter storms this season here in Ontario. It feels like each one I ended up working in Belleville at night which means driving on side roads where you can't see in front of you. Can be a little scary and nerve wracking. One such night I almost stopped at my sisters even though I was nearly home. But I didn't because I so wanted the safety and warmth of my own home. I had a destination to reach and wasn't going to allow the storm to stop me. I knew the road well and just had to take it easy and be extra careful.
As I think about this I think this is like life. We have seasons of stormy like weather. Where the road seems hidden and we are scared. For me that is what the last few months have felt like. There have been moments of some clarity but then like the storms some wind(or thought or circumstance in life, doubt) picks up and it once again I can't see in front of me. I can choose in these storms to quit believing in my God who loves me and has a place for me in heaven or I can choose to keep believing, having faith. This may mean slowing down in life so speak, taking more time with God so I have the strength to keep on the journey even though I cannot see in front of me. It may also mean that I can't be as busy as I would like. That some changes are needed in my life so that I can continue walking with Him. Thankfully I do know that Jesus is with me as my guide and he knows the way when I can't see. I am still battling the doubts as to why the storm in the first place. I have no answer for that other than we live in a fallen world and we are given free choice so of course there will be storms. Whether it is sickness, abuse, injustice or whatever the storm may be it is still hard and can make us wonder about our faith. For me to not believe doesn't seem to be a choice for me. Those days become too dark. I need prayer and His word.Believe me I have tried in these past few months to say I don't need God but it doesn't work. Just when I think it could be true someone comes to me and reminds me how loved I am by them and by God, or finances work out just when needed. When I look around at how my God provided a haven, a rest for our weary hearts I can't say that it is coincidence or just because I have had wonderful help from family ( although that is such a blessing and so grateful!). I have to believe that our Haven here in Hillier is from God. That He loves me that much that He knew exactly what I needed. I don't feel like I am out of the storm yet. Still have hurts to heal and things to work out in my heart. Also hopefully alot more years to come that will bring other storms, but I do know that Jesus is my security through it and He has kept me safe so far.
As I write I would like to be honest. Today is a good day which is great becasue lately there has not been many of those. Yes life has been okay and all is going well, I am still able to love and care for my family. I like my jobs I have. But I am talking about my heart. I think we often mask our feelings with each other in fear that people will think less of us or honestly gossip about us. I just have some heart things to work through. Hopefully we will be able to journey together being open and honest, no judgements just love and support.
Getting started
I thought that I could start a blog to share with you my journey as I travel through this season of life. I thought that maybe there are others out there in whatever season you are in, struggling with some of the same questions. Hoping that this may be a source of encouragement for others and also a tool of healing for myself. Still trying to figure out how blogs work so bear with me. I am not a professional writer but do want to share what I feel God is saying to us and our world today.
Love and Prayers
Jen
Love and Prayers
Jen
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